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Hi, this is Anthony Crowley. Uh, I’m probably not in right now, or asleep, and busy, or something, but leave a message after the tone and I’ll get right back to you. Ciao. BeeeEEeeeEEeee.

[Voice][Text][Action]

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FIE	did you hear about the guy...
	FIE	the past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... it was tense
	FIE	did you know babies are cooked at womb temperature?
	JAYDEN	Happy dawning
	WOLFE	Ten months late for work
	FIE	You're doing a grape job with your bar.
	FIE	Your decor remains fruitiful.
	FIE	You have a bluetiful establishment.
	FIE	Thank blue for the service.
	ALLEN	Okay Castiel's been in the fleet several days and you haven't turned up in my quarters drunk...
	ANDERS	I just wanted you to know that you've ruined my happy home life.
	ALLEN	Crowley
	ALLEN	Crowley I have some really good news!!
	ALLEN	I got a bottle of Varric's newest product
	NANAKO	Crowley I hope you've been doing ok!
	FELIX	This planet is miserable
	ALEX	PRESENT COMBO BREAKER
	INO	Meet me at Allen's room --
	ALLEN	Ino's birthday is the 23rd
	INO	So not only did I get Allen TWO different dates that he ENJOYED...
	ALLEN	I haven't seen any magazines appear in my room lately.
	INO	Alright, I need you to help me with something.
	ALLEN	Who's Adam?
	INO	Alright, you win. We're dating.
	ALLEN	You're okay, right?
	INO	You are SO dead the next time I see you
	ALLEN	CROWLEY I THINK INO'S FOUND ANOTHER GUY

TO:

SUBJECT:

	SAM	Got something I need you to do for me.
	NAMI	Sam's in the garden and he's being weird
	ALLEN	ACTION
	TEK	ACTION
	INO	Okay so Sudden pop quiz question
	ALLEN	You've been on two whole dates now and haven't even reported back to me once.
	INO	Someone stole your face

inboxcode by

cawaii

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[... ]

Wow. I didn't even know it could do that.

Well, she seems to think you're desperately lonely and need someone in your life. She was very adamant about that.

I'm not!

I mean, okay- maybe I said I was a little lonely a few months ago- but I was mostly talking about missing Timcanpy! And having to deal with people who forgot about me! Not that I needed a date!

Well, then, she completely misconstrued that. Might want to set her right because she's not going to give this up.

Don't you think I've tried?

I've told her a dozen times now that I don't want to date! I've even explained why I don't want to date! But she won't listen! She's convinced I just need to meet the right girl and it'll work out!

[ There's a pause as he huffs ]

Maybe I'll handcuff myself to my ship if she tries to set me up for a date.

Wow, so she really is like a dog with a bone with it. You might be buggered, in that case.

...Yeah, because that will work against Ino, for certain.

Well it's not like I have any other ideas! Nothing else has worked!

[STILL NOT GONNA GIVE UP THOUGH. STUBBORN TO THE END!!]

You know, this would be so much easier to deal with if Tadashi fucked something up and made her mad. It would completely distract her.

No. We're not sabotaging their relationship.

She'd catch on fast anyway.

No no, we don't need to sabotage the relationship.

...Just conveniently make something happen and have it point at Mr. Perfect.

No. You couldn't even convince her to focus on an actual relationship instead of me without getting found out. There's no way we'd pull off framing Tadashi.

[ YOU'RE TOO TERRIBLE AT DECEPTION. IT BRING SHAME TO THIS FAMILY. ]